The Dreaded “Friend Zone”
Being labeled the all-around nice guy is nice if it gets you somewhere with the ladies. But if you’re being nice gets you stuck in the “friend zone” with her, then it kinda gets tiring and frustrating, is it?
It’s like being the groomsman but not being the groom, or something like that.
Self-proclaimed “attraction doctor” Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, says that the friend zone area is the situation when a woman is all over you in terms of having you in her life but only limited to the platonic level. Ouch!
With the operative word platonic in play, that pretty much sums it up. If you’re in the friend zone, you won’t we wallowing in romantic terms.
It is a very frustrating zone for a guy that wants to take the relationship to a new level. How do you get out of this trap?
Read on below and see the 5 possible ways to get out of the friend zone.
1. Renegotiate the relationship
Dr. Nicholson recommended that for you to get out of the “Friend Zone,” you need to revisit and renegotiate the terms of your relationship with her.
Negotiating the relationship should be done if you want to create a new level of relationship and not just extend the friendship or reinforce the friend zone.
Since you have a good and stable relationship with her (though as friends), you can talk to her about your thoughts and intentions.
Tell her that you don’t want to just be friends and ask her if she is willing to take it to the next level.
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It’s a tricky proposition. Some girls are open to it but there are some girls that won’t cross that threshold so you have to be prepared to lose her as a friend if ever the result turned south.
Suffice it to say that you might have reached the point of no return once you start thinking of her as more than friends. It will also be unfair to her if you won’t tell her your true feelings.
It’s typical that once one party starts thinking of leaving the friend zone, it won’t be the same. You might still be friends but it won’t be as intense and as carefree as before because one will be thinking with romance in mind which is not anymore platonic.
And if you are in this boat, go and ask her and find out what her thoughts are because at this point, you two can’t just be friends.
2. Show less interest in her
It’s a fact that anything too much is not good. If you have been giving her all the attention whenever she asks for it, then you are keeping yourself too available to her.
Make yourself less available and show less interest in her and everything about her.
Practice what is known in scientific term as the “Least Interested Principle”. This concept was authored by Wallet and Hill in 1951 to fix the imbalance that happens when one person (i.e you) values the other person (i.e. her) more than she values you.
This principle basically touts the concept that showing less interest in her makes her more value your presence and importance because now there is a scarcity of you – your presence and attention to her.
It is true that one doesn’t realize the true value of a person until that person is gone. Even though you’re not really gone, your diminished presence in her life makes it seems so.
3. Make yourself scarce
Somewhat related to number 2 above, this has something to do with the law of supply and demand. If you are making yourself always readily available to her, she will always see you as someone who is in huge “supply. It’s sad to think but she might also take you for granted.
It’s human nature to covet something or someone that’s rare or a novelty of some sort.
It’s the simple concept of supply and demand. People don’t want what is right in front of them as much as they want something that isn’t there.
According to Robert Cialdini, author of “Influence: Science and Practice,” the most effective way to influence someone is by applying the “scarcity principle”.
It’s the same concept that your parents used with you when you were a kid when they took away your toys whenever you behaved badly. The toys that you took for granted suddenly seemed important and sorely missed.
Make yourself less available to her. Reduce face to face interaction and minimize online and phone communication and you will notice that she will miss you more.
4. Make her compete for your attention
Complement the “less interest and scarcity principles” with the “more competition concept”.
Being less interested and scarce are important but making her compete for your attention will put her over the edge.
Your importance and value to her will be enhanced if she also has to compete with your other friends for your attention. And the more girl friends you have, the more it will be effective for she’s not just competing with other people but she’s competing with other girl friends of yours.
Creating the competition will also be a test for her. If she is open to the possibility of being more than just friends with you, having to compete for your attention will not sit with her.
This might even put her in a panic or a frenzy so she will likely put the effort to reign you back in.
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If this happens, this will be a good opening for you to bring out the possibility of you taking the relationship to the next level.
One of the better ways to make her aware that she has competition is by using the power of social media through social proof. Post pictures or videos of you hanging out with other friends (ideally girl friends).
Or you can also tell her that you can’t be with her or do that thing for her because you are hanging out with Cindy.
Gauge how she reacts and see if the signs point out to a positive one. If she ignores it and seems to not bother her at all, then your chance of getting out of the friend zone is not good.
But if she pays more attention to you or if she intensifies her communication with you during this period then it’s a good sign. Make your move and let her know about your intention of getting out of the friend zone.
5. Get her to invest in you
Investing in a friendship means a lot of things. In a situation where the guy is looking to get out of the friend zone with a girl, this means one thing – you want to make her do something for you or make her give you something that will establish some sort of connection between the two of you.
This can be in the form of a big favor like asking her to drive you to the airport or a more friendly banter of asking her to buy you a cup of coffee.
When someone is invested in you, you are not likely to be let go that easily. They become more attached and connected to you and in return, you become more meaningful to them.
This is based on the principle called the Ben Franklin Effect, a scientific concept coined by researchers in a 1968 publication of the Human Relations Journal.
More often than not, women are naturally drawn to men who mean something to them.
Asking her for favors is actually a test of her willingness to leave the “friend zone”.
If she’s more than willing to bring you to the airport, chances are she is open to the possibility of you becoming a boyfriend.
But if she makes excuses and doesn’t abide by your favor, it’s more likely that she doesn’t want to go the romantic route as she couldn’t care less of how you feel.
Go on, try it and see how it goes.
In Conclusion
In your quest to get of the friend zone, appealing to her emotions is the key.
Your intention should not be to play with her emotions but to try to gauge where is she at the present and how far is she willing to go. It is like kicking the tires of your car – you are sure that they are not totally deflated but you want to know if they will go the distance.
Challenge the status quo by leading her out of the friend zone slowly but deliberately. This way, you will be able to evaluate when to push or pull.
Push for more if you see that she’s able to handle the situation. If she ignores you and she appears uninterested, take the next step and be more scarce and less present.
If you see her get jealous when she saw your social media posts of your hangout with your other girl friends, pull back a bit and reassess the situation.
You will know when it’s right or not but the important thing for you is to accept whatever the outcome maybe.
Rejoice and be grateful if she is willing to go to the next level and be graceful if she just wants to remain friends.
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