The most common dating advice people give to shy guys when it comes to most things in life is just be yourself. But when it comes to asking a girl out, just being yourself might not be enough.
There a number of to-dos on this earth that is innately nerve wracking – skydiving, bungee jumping, public speaking, wedding proposal, and yes, asking a girl out for the first time!
Some women might think that this noble act of asking a girl out comes naturally for men but it doesn’t. Most of the time, the very thought of asking a girl out leaves even the most physically strong men soft in their knees.
Who can blame them? Asking a girl out comes with the possibility of rejection and who wants to go through that?
For some men, asking a girl out comes easy but they are the exception and not the rule. And being confident in asking a girl out is not directly correlated to looks or nice body or wealth. It is dependent on how you are built and raised as a person.
The level of difficulty will vary differently from person to person depending on how sociable or confident you are. However, there is one section of men where this hits the hardest – the shy types.
In reality, men who are able to ask girls out without difficulty, at least seemingly, don’t have any special attribute than you. In most cases, it just takes simple courage.
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If you are one of the shy guys and have difficulty asking out a woman, there are several things you can do to overcome that hurdle.
Use the below practical tips to move the needle towards success when it comes to asking a girl out. And soon, you will be enjoying the excitement and fun that dating brings, even if you are shy!
1. Stop thinking she will say no.
Henry Ford once said: Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t- you’re right.
If you are the one that consider the possibility of defeat even before the fight begins, most likely you will suffer defeat in her hands. Why? Because your actuations and vibes will translate to her and you will most probably appear to her as insecure and lacking confidence.
Start with the right frame of mind. Think of the possibility of her saying yes. Activate the law of attraction by letting the positive vibes come in to your actions and thoughts. You will be surprised with its effects on you, which can be instantaneous.
Try this: smile in front of the mirror and you will see a transformation happen in the way you feel, the way you look and the way you think. Compare that to being gloom and frowning. The difference will be night and day.
Changing your mindset and perspective from a negative one to a positive one will also change the way she looks at you. Believe that this is true and you will be sure to also believe that you can.
2. Remember that you are one of the nice guys.
They say that nice guys always finish last but we dare to disagree 100%! How do we know this? Because most eligible ladies who want good relationships or are ready to get married and have a family always have this complaint: “all the nice guys are taken!”
Yes, all the good ones seem to be either taken or in a relationship.
Let her know that there are still nice guys available out there and one of them is you! You need to be seen and let your presence felt. Say hi, talk to her and once you see the right timing, ask her out.
It’s been a somewhat common knowledge that most shy guys have “nice” written all over them.
If your girl is sensible and smart, she should not really shy away from you because your type are the ones that usually have those hidden sweetness in them.
Shy guys, when given the right atmosphere and setting almost always show their thoughtfulness, chivalry and gentlemanly behavior. And these traits are the ones that sweep women off their feet.
Do one of those nice little things that you know you are capable of doing in a heartbeat. Open the doors for her, carry her stuff or just smile at her with those smiling eyes and she will notice you in no time.
3. Make eye contact.
Looking her in the eyes whenever you are talking to her shows her that you have the silent confidence in spite of your shyness. Remember that being shy doesn’t mean lacking confidence. It just means that you are not forward, proactive or a go-getter.
Making eye contact and keeping her gaze is one good way to catch her full attention. Just make sure that you don’t stare. Staring is officially timed at 3.3 seconds by a UK study so try to glance away from time to time so you don’t fall into the trap of staring. Or to make sure, silently count “one thousand one” 3.3 times!
Establish eye contact even before you speak. Communication starts with your eyes. When you listen and make eye contact at the same time, it conveys that you are there for her and that you pay attention to her.
She will think that yes, you might be shy but there is something sweet and deep behind those eyes.
4. Stay within your comfort zone.
To overcome your shyness, use the places most familiar to you. If you see a girl you like in your local sports club or in your workplace or near your workplace try to ask her out. Look for familiar places where to meet women.
There’s a good chance that she might have seen you already because you move in the same circles so if she’s into you, there’s a good chance that she probably has an idea before you even ask if she will go out with you or not. You just need to find out and ask.
In case you succeeded in getting her to say yes for a first date, think about bringing her to a place that is familiar to you.
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If possible, avoid having a formal dinner as this puts pressure on both of you to make conversations and there could be awkward silences if you can’t fill the conversation gaps. And you wouldn’t want a forced conversation either.
If you can bring her to your local open-air market or local country fair, that will be ideal.
This is a place where there are plenty of things to do and look at and you can take walks while talking so conversations are more free-flowing in these kinds of settings.
The objective is to make your first date easy, relaxed, enjoyable and fun.
5. Prepare conversation starters.
Prior to asking a girl out, you need to come up with conversation starters that you can use to get her attention. Keep in mind that these are not pick up lines but conversation starters so know the difference. These should be as simple as commenting on the weather or saying that you think you have seen her before.
In the same token, also prepare a different set of conversation starters for your first date. The situation will be different than the asking-her-out part so make sure you differentiate them from the first batch.
It’s easy to be overwhelmed by your nerves during the first date and being prepared with conversation starters will save you in many ways you can imagine.
One important thing to note is that these starters should be in the form of questions, if possible. But avoid questions that are answerable by a yes or no. Make it open-ended to make sure that she will talk more and engage more.
An example will be asking her what her favorite part of the place is and ask her why. Or you can ask her about how her day has been or what’s keeping her busy these days?
You may never use these starters but it’s nice to have them in your back pocket as assurances in case they come in handy.
Generally, women like to talk so if you can start the ball rolling, it’s highly likely that she will be chatty and talking which is definitely a positive sign that she likes you, or at least an indication that she is somewhat enjoying your date.
6. Remember that she’s human like you.
Typically, shy men shy away from women because they think that they are difficult to approach. And that couldn’t be farther from the truth, well mostly. Of course there will pockets of those that are full of themselves and assuming so you can ignore them unless you really really like them.
Always keep in mind that women are as human as anybody and they feel the same emotions as you do and they also have the same aspirations as you have.
The last thing a woman wants is for someone, let alone a man, to be uncomfortable around her.
It’s fine to be nervous around women. They usually find it cute and they’ll be touched to know you are nervous around them. And for all you know, they might be feeling the same as well.
It’s ok to be nervous but don’t be uncomfortable. Don’t forget to smile, sit or stand straight. Look her in the eye and talk slowly but clearly.
Relax and let the situation carry itself. Don’t force things. Be fluid by following the conversation naturally. If you are both having fun talking about the football game last night, don’t change the topic to a movie that you watched a week ago.
Make the day all about her by paying attention to her body languages and words at all times. Guaranteed that once the conversation flows and she’s put at ease, you’ll also be at ease and you both will most likely enjoy the rest of your date.
In Conclusion
The capital offense for shy guys when it comes to dating is not “not trying” to ask a girl out. It is when they, the shy guys, become their own worst enemies.
If you are a shy guy, you become your worst enemy when you psych yourself out of the dating equation – meaning you believe or think that she will say no without even you trying first.
The truth is that the nicest and sweetest girl, who could be “The One”, might just be waiting down the corner, asking for you to ask her or at least talk to her and get to know her first.
Remember, you also have the nice in you so if she is nice, it’s just a natural phenomenon that the two of you might just work out. After all, things alike usually work well together. You just got to be brave for a split second and utter the words.
Keep in mind that those that don’t play never lose because they are never in the game. Be a winner or at least play the game for when you play the game, the chance of winning is always there. Be in the arena and things might just work out for you.
And of course there is always the losing part but in the dating game, trying is already winning. And in our Playbook, the only way to lose is not playing.
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